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July 19, 2011 / joelmalm

Why I Never Used eHarmony

When my sister got engaged she and her fiancé thought it would be an interesting experiment to see if eHarmony would match them up.  They both got accounts and within a few days the gods of the internet paired them up.

I thought that was a fun idea, so when I got engaged Emily and I tried doing the same thing. Emily got paired up with dozens of matches. Me, well, eHarmony wouldn’t even let me into the system.  After filling out the extensive personality profile I got a notice that said something like this:

We are sure you are a nice person, but based on what we see about your personality we won’t be able to pair you up.  This doesn’t mean finding a meaningful relationship is hopeless, it just means we are at a loss when it comes to people like you.

I got rejected by eHarmony.  Of course I got the last laugh – I still got an awesome wife.

Dating is miserable.  Trying to find someone to love is a crummy experience.  It gets worse the older you get as friends and family start asking why you aren’t married.  But here’s the bottom line:

You need to live your life, not the life others want for you.

Everyone thinks they know what you need.  But only God really knows that.  The key is getting to the place where you have no will of your own on the marriage issue.  The most important thing must be God’s glory in your life.  Who are we to say how God will get the most glory?  It’s possible that God will get the most glory in your life if you are single?  That might be a hard pill to swallow, but if you are truly living to honor him that’s good medicine.

There are people who derail their own relationship success so it’s important to submit to God’s sanctification process in your life.  God wants you to be the best you possible.  He’s making you into something special.  That may include a husband or wife – it may not.  Strive to become all you can be and seek God.  God may use eHarmony.  Don’t put him in a box!  Just make sure that you are seeking him first and not a boyfriend or girlfriend.  (Matt.6:33)



Leave a Comment
  1. "Dr." K / Jul 19 2011 10:09 am

    I’m curious to know, what did e-harmony mean by that?

    • joelmalm / Jul 19 2011 10:19 am

      I think they meant I had too many extreme personality traits…

  2. Jana Malm / Jul 22 2011 10:59 pm

    Yes, dear son, you are fearfully and wonderfully made-one of a kind!!!

  3. Brett Frey / Aug 29 2011 11:39 am

    He may use too! I’m proof.

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