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November 14, 2011 / joelmalm

All The Single Ladies, All The Single Ladies

Life doesn’t begin at marriage.  Marriage is incredible, but I see too many people diving into it thinking it needs to happen straight out of high school or college.  It doesn’t.

I regularly meet people my age who are seven to ten years into marriage and looking back thinking, “Did I miss out on something?”  They love their spouses but are wondering if getting married so young was the best move.

Here’s some news – there’s a whole lot of life worth living single.  I didn’t get married until I was twenty-nine.  Was I lonely at times?  Heck yes!  But I decided I wanted to soak every last drop out of singleness – so I worked hard, saved money, went to school and did missions work.  (Notice the sequence – I saved the money for school rather than walking down and signing my life away to a loan officer.)

If you are single you need to take advantage of this wonderful time in your life.  You need to expand your horizons and travel.  Explore.  You have the rest of your life to be married.  Life is not a race and you aren’t competing in life with anyone but yourself.

Note: I’m not encouraging flippant dating as “exploration”.  I’m saying to find some life outside of romantic relationships.  This advice is for guys and girls.



Leave a Comment
  1. Joy Felix / Nov 14 2011 7:40 pm

    Absolutely! I think too many people rush to the goal line rather than enjoying the journey to get there. I think single life after college can be a great time to grow into adulthood, which makes marriage better when it does happen. I also think Anthony and I each respected that the other was enjoying a full single life, rather than needing to jump into marriage just because it was the next box to check. Marriage has been awesome! But I am glad I had several years of wandering around Asia first!

  2. Kris / Dec 1 2011 10:43 am

    I really agree with this post. I work with college students and I wish I could get through to them on this topic. I am 29 and although i am now in a committed relationship that is headed toward marriage I had not dated anyone seriously for many years before meeting my mate and it was the best choice I ever made. I was able to take a great job across the country that maybe I wouldn’t have taken if I was in a relationship. I also made several trips to Europe, got a dog and got more invested in my community. Being single after grad school gave me the opportunity to really define who I wanted to be on my own and then find a partner who complimented the adult me, not the growing, confused, ever changing, highly emotional college version of myself. (still growing obviously…hope I do for the rest of my life!)

    • joelmalm / Dec 1 2011 10:56 am

      Right on! Right on!

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